Those Damn Eosinophils!

I received a copy of my labs in the mail today and, while I was expecting the eosinophils to be elevated, I was suprised by a couple of other abnormal findings.  Granted, they are only slightly out of range, but I would appreciate being told about it.  After all, I seem to be the only one truly monitoring this crap anymore.

My total white blood count was back up to 14.4 (normal range: 3.6-11.1).  Really, no suprise there cause it has almsot always been elevated to some degree, but they could have mentioned that, right?  We even wondered if that was just a normal count for me, but a couple random normal ones shot that theory.  And what causes an elevated white count boys and girls?  That’s right class… INFLAMMATION!  And what do we call it when a person continuously has elevated white counts?  Chronic leukocytosis!  Which could indicate what?  Yes, that’s right… CHRONIC INFLAMMATION!  And what cell in the body causes inflammation?  Come on… you all know this one!  EOSINOPHILS!!!!  YAY!!!!!!  You have been paying attention.  He, he… you can take the teacher out of the classroom….

Remember my suspiciouns about them wanting to do a blood test when they knew they couldn’t do anything about eosinophilia?  I suspected they were doing an end run like they did with the SS-b titer… choosing a lab with a higher normal value range so my numbers would fit better.  Well, I was right, in part.  While most labs in the country consider 5% to be the highest normal, this particular lab’s range was up to 7.8%.  Maybe they didn’t get the memo about anything over 6% being eosinophilia and not at all normal?  Still, I didn’t fit their normal range either with my 9.1% 

Then I saw the “L” flag for monocytes and about lost it!  Monocytopenia isn’t good, often indicating leukemia, and considering my last test showed 0% and I was consoled with “it was probably just a fluke,” seeing it again had me quite concerned.  I saw the count which was 4.5 and scanned over to the reference range which said 43.3-71.9 and I was in a panic!  After scaring myself nearly to death, I was looking at it again and realized I had transposed the lines!  The range for monocytes is actually 4.6-12.4!!  I had read the range for total granulocytes!  STUPID! STUPID!  So my monocytes are actually only 0.1% out of range so that means that if they were off before, they are at least headed back in right direction!  Also, on my last labs, my lymphocytes were at 0% and now they are back into normal range.  Or so I thought.

Confused yet?  It gets worse!  As I read on, I discovered that this particular lab actually did absolute counts on all my cells for me… something the doctor usually has to request around here.  There were the monocytes again, but this time within the reference range.  And then we had the lymphocytes… oh wait a mintue… they’re flagged!  Low again?  NOPE!  This time they are elevated!  The absolute count was 3.2 and the reference range is 1.1-2.7.  So I’ve gone from having none to having to many.  Way to go bone marrow!  By absolute count, the total granulocytes were increased, as well, at 9.2 with ref. range of 1.9-7.2.  Still, this isn’t bad at all really.  I mean there’s so many factors to consider and this is just one test in which my numbers are just ever so slightly off, right?  Well… there’s more!

Wasn’t it just the other day that I said I wasn’t busting butt on this because my count was still not close to the “danger zone?”  Well, the absolute eosinophil count may be the fire lit under my butt!  It was up to 1.3!!  Actual writing is 1.3X10^3 and if I remember how to properly do scientific notations, that equals 1300.  With the diagnostic count for HES being 1500, I’m now only 200 cells away!  So since my last test in which my absolute count was less than my relative count, the absolute count has gone higher than the relative count.  More importantly, I’ve gone from about 900 cells to 1300 cells which is a significant increase.

Shwewwwww.  Complicated huh?  Let’s review in simpler terms.  According to doctors who use relative counts, my condition has shown improvement and still isn’t close to be being dangerous.  According to doctors who use absolute counts, my condition has worsened and I’m very close to the danger zone.  I think I’ll be getting busy on finding a hematologist now.